As I was reflecting on the beauty of the mountains today, and still enjoying savoring that view, I went to church and heard the second sermon in a series about God's work in our memories. Since hearing the first sermon last week, I had been looking forward to this sermon almost as much as I had been looking forward to the time on the mountaintop!
The sermon was preached by a visiting pastor who has lived and worked in Haiti in some non-traditional ministry settings. As this long-haired, tattooed preacher with a quirky sense of humor, a great appreciation for art, and an academic approach to preaching shared, I was challenged to look at grace in a new way. It was a much needed reminder in a season when I can sometimes lose sight of grace.
Honestly, I can sometimes find it hard to navigate the very different approaches to Christianity that I find in the missionaries that I meet here. From my perspective, it sometimes seems like working hard, being "good," belonging to a certain political party or cultural background, or even holding a certain philosophical perspective on missions seem to be more important to some of the missionaries than grace and love and hospitality. I can find my heart hardening as I hear people who claim the name of Christ judging one another for the way they dress or the ways they spend their money or time or how they approach ministry. In a place where it seems there isn't always an abundance of grace and love and humility, my own heart jumps into the chaos. I think I know the ways things should really be going. I know how these people could get along. I know how they should solve the problems in their ministries and communities. And then I hear a sermon like today's and I remember that it's not about building my kingdom either. My heart, just like everyone around me, is full of a feisty self-sufficiency and proud independence. I want to make my own way. I want to do things the way I want to do them. I want to be the judge.
Sitting in church today and listening to the sermon was exactly what I needed. It didn't solve the problem of pride and my frustration in working with those who are coming from a different perspective, but it did remind me of the bigger story that's being told. This life isn't about building my kingdom, or your kingdom, it's about God building His kingdom. And He does it in the most beautiful and gracious and loving ways!
The sermon was all about how God cares about our memories. There were many different illustrations to prove this point, including the ways poetry in the Bible was written to be memorized and highlights key themes by repeating them. We heard about cairns, the rock formations that God called His people to build as physical memorials to His work in their lives. We also talked about how God brings us back to the same hurts and fears and challenges over and over again to draw us to Himself -
"We worship what we fear. Sometimes a walk towards the place of our pain and fear is the very act of trusting God again. It can be a return to the place you left God behind or the cross he once asked you to bear."
As we wandered through the landscape of the Old Testament, we saw how God takes individuals and families and brings them back to circumstances where they are trying to build their own kingdom and graciously tears them down. We talked about Jacob who was born as a sneaky "ankle-grabber" trying to steal from his brother through clever tricks. Then we followed the kingdom of self later into the story where Jacob's father-in-law uses the same kinds of tricks on the trickster himself. In the end, we saw how Jacob, finally confronting the wrongs he had done to his brother, has a fight in the desert. He thinks he is facing his brother, who is making good on his promise of violence against his sneaky little brother, but he is actually wrestling with God. It's not a story of Jacob's kingdom versus Esau's, it's a story of God looking at the hearts of men and loving us. It's about a God who is in the business of restoring all of His creation to Himself. Sometimes this story looks like a battle.
So, although I'm certain to still have struggles with God's kingdom coming in my life, I'm feeling hopeful. I'll still struggle with pride and independence and fear, but this struggle is evidence of God's work in my heart. He's breaking down the kingdom I have built and creating His own kingdom. He's doing this in such loving and gracious ways. He even gives moments of perspective when we get to see His work, like the view from the summit when the clouds break. And so as I thank God for friends and family who follow along with me on another Haiti journey, here's my prayer for my heart and your heart too... His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Much love in Christ, Jessie
A shaggy preacher talking about poetry and cairns and wrestling with God in the context of the Gospel of Grace: Sounds like my kind of sermon! Thanks Jess - praying for you this morning.
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