Memory is a weird thing. Sometimes I feel like a much older lady who wanders around the house looking for her glasses, only to realize that they're sitting on her face... Within the first week of school my students know exactly where in my desk to find sticky notes so they can leave me messages of all the things I am supposed to do that I'll likely forget. It's a flaw and a weakness. I'm humbled often by my own forgetfulness.
More than embarrassing moments when I forget a friend's birthday or the name of a new acquaintance, is the problem of my forgetful heart. My heart lives so often in a place of forgetfulness. Prone to "spiritual amnesia*" rather than remembering God's goodness.
I'm thankful that God knows this about His fallen creation. He knows that we are quick to forget, and so He reminds us. He gives us gifts and then points us back to them. Sometimes the gift is manna from heaven. We look at this provision and just like the wandering Israelites, we say, "What is it?" Then we see it's God's provision. It's a gift to show us that God is remembering us.
Sometimes, though, the gift is harder to see. It can look to me like pain and disappointment and brokenness. I look at it and say, "What is it?" It isn't what I had in mind. It isn't my plan for my life. It isn't what I think is good. But that's because I'm forgetting...
I'm forgetting that God is the Author of this story, and He is the only One who can write a perfect story. A story with ups and downs. A story with dull and mundane everyday life. A story with the greatest Hero ever. A Hero who doesn't just save us from some masked villain off in the distance. He saves me from the one who lives in the depths of my being, a heart of rebellion and doubt. He looks on me and He remembers. He remembers His promise and He saves the day. He leans into my sin and doubt, my fears and my weakness, and He remembers me. He calls me His own. He gives His life to set me free. He patiently and lovingly works in my heart and my life. He weaves together twists and turns in the story. I am surprised by Him and in these blessings, this manna, He helps me to remember.
This summer I'm going back to Haiti. It's a part of this story that I never would have written for myself. It's unexpected and fairly irrational. It goes against so many of the plans and desires I have for my own life. And yet, these trips to Haiti, the relationships and the bonds formed there, they are sweet gifts of remembrance. God has used them to point me back to Him. To help me remember who He is and who I am in Him.
I'm looking forward to remembering again with you this summer! Many thanks for your faithfulness as you stick with me through lots of words. These words help me to process these Haiti adventures! I'm so thankful to be able to share them with you all!
Love in Christ, Jessie
*"Spiritual Amnesia" taken from a really great article about thankfulness from Desiring God.
