Cling

Goodbye.  My least favorite word.  The worst part of going to Haiti is having to say goodbye, having to let go.  It starts with having to say goodbye to my friends and family and church in New Hampshire, even if it's only for a few weeks.  Then I face the inevitable goodbye to my friends in Haiti.  Each year as I prepare to leave, my heart becomes sad, anxious, and consumed with the pain of letting go.  Questions nag me... Will these dear friends be okay this year?  Will Magdala be raised up to know God's love for her?  Will Bernaldo learn more about God's calling on his life?  Will Carmelle be reminded that she is an invaluable daughter of the King?  Will Kevenson get the medical treatment he needs?  Will little Jean Wilson be safe and watched over?  Will the Haitian teachers be able to overcome the incredible challenges of teaching this school year?  Will everyone be safe?  Will daily needs be met?  Will health and wellness prevail over sickness and disease?  Will faith abound or will doubt in the face of endless pain and hardship overcome?  I look at these people I love and want to cling onto them for dear life.  I want to cling to the hopes and dreams I have for their lives.  I wish I could split myself and be present for life with everyone in Haiti and New Hampshire.  I don't want to let go.  I don't want to say goodbye.

Recently I've thought a lot about my tendency to become like human velcro.  I think it all comes down to a faith that is easily overcome by fear.  I am so afraid of loss that I allow fear to guide me.  I grip onto that which I should be holding openly before the Lord.

The question is, do I really believe that God is faithful?  Do I really believe that I can trust Him?  If the answer is yes, then I don't have to hold onto people, dreams, and desires with such a vice-grip.  If I really believe that He is faithful, I will trust that the people I love are safe in His loving hands.  I will believe that He is sovereign over each moment of my life and that nothing comes to me or is withheld from me outside of His providential workings.  I will believe that His perfect will brings about greater things than I can begin to desire for myself, the people I love, and the greater world.  

So, as I pray for faith to trust God in the goodbyes, to trust Him in letting go, to trust Him in living open-handed, to trust Him with the people I love and my hopes and dreams and desires for each of our lives, I'm reminded that it is to Him that I must cling...

O God, you are my God; 

earnestly I seek you; 

my soul thirsts for you; 

my flesh faints for you, 

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory. 

Because your steadfast love is better than life,

 my lips will praise you. 

So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands. 

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, 

and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, 

when I remember you upon my bed, 

and meditate on you in the watches of the night; 

for you have been my help, 

and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. 

My soul clings to you; 

your right hand upholds me. 

Psalm 63

My prayer is that you too, my family and friends, would be clinging to Him, this faithful One who upholds us.  I'm praying that in each day, in each moment, we would be reminded of His faithfulness and our hearts would respond by desperately seeking Him and laying down our concerns before Him.  It is only in the laying down that I remember He loves you better than I can ever love you, He cares for you better than I could ever care for you, and He provides for you better than I could ever provide for you.  This means I'm not really saying goodbye, I'm not really letting go, I'm simply trusting God to be God and believing that there is no better place for any if us to be than in the shelter of His arms.

As I return to the routines of life in New Hampshire, I wanted to once more say thank you for following along with me on this summer's journey to Haiti.  Your words of encouragement and prayer for the past few weeks have helped reminded me to turn my eyes to Christ and cling to Him.  With many thanks and much love in Christ, Jessie

Fall

As the time comes for me to leave Haiti again, I'm reflecting on what these past few weeks have brought.  I think during this trip, maybe more than others, the Lord has reminded me of who He is and who we are in light of who He is.  As I've been able to reconnect with these dear friends, I have been reminded...

He is faithful.  He is creator and sustainer.  He is relational.  He is constant.  He is strong.  He is all-knowing.  He is perfectly just.  He is compassionate.  He is long-suffering.  He is loving.  He is God.

We are redeemed.  We are set free from sin and death.  We have a future.  We have hope for all of eternity.  We are given a new identity.  We are adopted into His family.  We are called to live in community within His body. We are given an ultimate purpose.  We are forgiven.  We are safe in His hands.  We are loved and given the ability to love in return.  We are His. 

Forgetting our nationalities and languages, whether we are rich or poor, young or old, black or white, male or female, all other things seem insignificant in light of who He is and who we are in Him.

My pastor sometimes talks about the difference between a "have to" and a "get to" life of faith and service.  For me, I think it's a matter of remembering.  When I remember who He is and who I am, I am driven to fall down before Him.  My heart desperately seeks to worship Him when I remember.

To Your name alone 

Belongs all the glory and all the honor 

Every other name will fade away 

And only You my king will have the glory in that day 

And every high and lofty thing that we have made 

Will be brought to the ground before You my God 

And in Your presence we will fall down
~"Fall Down" by Rivers and Robots

Thank you for joining me on this journey!  I look forward to continuing to live this life of faith with you all in New Hampshire soon!  Much love in Christ, Jessie

Mail

I'm not much of a packrat, but I have to admit that letters and notes are things I have a hard time letting go of.  The thought that someone took time to record their words in writing for me holds great meaning.  I love being able to look back at notes from friends and family.  It helps me to remember my past, recall words of encouragement, and cherish the amazing people God has put into my life.

Each summer I fill the role of mail carrier.  I take letters from children from my home church in New Hampshire and deliver them to the children in Haiti.  Today I had the children write back to their pen pals.  It's amazing how something as simple as a handwritten letter can make us feel valued.  There were many precious moments today as the children read their letters with big smiles, some even hugging their mail from their far-away friends.

 

Thank you to those who had their children write letters.  Today these precious kiddos were encouraged  in the knowledge that they are not forgotten.  These letters reminded them of the truth that they are important, remembered, and valued.  Thank you also for the words of encouragement and support you have sent my way, as I enter the last few days in Haiti, I'm thankful for the continued blessing of being able to share this experience with you!  Love in Christ, Jessie