Transform

As I slowly transition back to life in the US, with a quick stop in Philadelphia before heading back to New Hampshire, I'm reflecting on this, my sixth summer in Haiti.  If I had to pick a single theme from what I've learned and experienced this summer, it would be transformation.  This summer has been one where I have been challenged to see God's promised kingdom coming in the here and now, even as we wait for its ultimate fulfillment in Heaven.

A "concert" at the children's home one afternoon...

This summer I've seen amazing brothers and sisters who have faithfully served and laid down their lives for others.  I've been inspired and encouraged by the sacrificial love that echoes the love of Christ for His people.  I've also seen conflict and challenge and uncertainty and fear and pride build great walls for ministry and service.  These walls can feel impenetrable, indestructible, and can send me headed for the hills (sometimes literally retreating to a mountain).  This summer I've been reminded (or maybe struck for the first time) about the need to dwell and engage in the brokenness of this life, even in those times when people and relationships and circumstances feel irreparable.  I confess to often submitting to my fears and pride and insecurities and judgemental heart as I worked with others this summer.  It is so easy to have my eyes focused on myself and my own little "kingdom," that I lose sight of the greater story of transformation that God is busy telling.

Jean Wilson playing with a toy car in the front yard

How thankful I am for this summer.  It has been, once again, a time of challenge in this walk of faith and in my view of ministry.  It has also provided me opportunities to connect with dear friends who bring encouragement and challenge and understanding as I so often feel like I'm fumbling through life.  One of the summer school teachers that I got to volunteer with this summer, Sarah, was particularly encouraging to me.  We have very similar life experiences, as single women, public school teachers, and whole-heartedly involved in the ministry of our local churches.  In talking with Sarah during her last night in Haiti, she said something so beautiful to me, and I desperately want it to be true, even if I don't think it actually is true of me at present.  She said that she appreciated how I kept reminding her of the need to demonstrate Christ's grace, to leave grace for others and for ourselves in this life.  Having only known me for one summer, I would argue that Sarah hadn't seen the ugliest judgementalism and fear that can sometimes pour out of my heart.  Her words did bring encouragement and challenge to me.  How I desire to echo the grace that my God has poured out on me!  How I want to be a reflection of His love and acceptance in this world.  How I desire to be His hands and feet, to help transform the world around me, even in the smallest and simplest ways.  

Sitting with Miss Losita, the Pre-K teacher at Christian Light School

In the middle of Hebrews 11, a chapter known as the "Hall of Faith," we read about the faithfulness of those seeking transformation, even while living in the exile of a broken world...

...These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.  If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return.  But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city...

Following these beautiful, although imperfect, examples of faith, we hear the call to live with endurance, to live in the brokenness of this place, as we rest in the knowledge that Christ is for us.  

In chapter 13 we are called to live and to be God's agents of transformation by calling us to...

-love continually (verse 1)

-show hospitality, especially to the stranger (verse 2)

-remember those who are mistreated and imprisoned (verse 3)

-be faithful to marriages and families (verse 4)

- live in a place of contentment rather than greed (verse 5)

A last sunrise over Port au Prince...

I'm thankful for this summer in Haiti because, once again, I've been able to see and then share with you how God is working in the hearts and lives of His people.  I've been blessed to be able to share the self-sacrifice which pours out into communities with love and joy.  These are echoes of God's heart of transformation for this world.  Thank you for sharing in this journey with me!  I'm looking forward to living out these beautiful truths of redemption and transformation back home with you all!  

Much love in Christ, Jessie

Why?

I gave JJ a big hug on my last evening visiting the children's home.  As I always do, I told him that I would be praying for him and thinking of him in the coming year.  I told him to work hard in school and to listen to those who are in authority over him.  I told him to not grow up too much before next summer.  And through teary eyes, I reminded him that I love him.  With his arms wrapped around me, he looked up and asked, "Why?"  At first I didn't understand.  "Why what?"  I asked in reply.  "Why do you love me?"  What a heart-breaking question.  My only response, through the lump in my throat was, "Because you're JJ.  That's why I love you.  Because you're you."  I don't know if that response meant anything at all to a little boy, but the conversation impacted me.  

Amber said recently that JJ has started telling everyone that his mom is dead.  He'll just interrupt the middle of prayers and say, "My mom is dead."  It's true.  She died in childbirth and he was raised by his aunt until she could no longer care for him.  He was hospitalized as a little one who was malnourished before he made it to the children's home in Gonaives and then was brought to the children's home in Port au Prince after the floods.  So many of the children at the Rev Haiti Home have stories like JJ.  Loss, sickness, devastation, death, abandon, neglect, being orphaned and apparently forgotten - they are stories of the most desperate sadness you'll ever encounter.  I think it's in part because of the brokenness that these kiddos have experienced at such a young age that loving relationships are so hard for them to understand.  

In the coming year, I am determined to be a much better advocate for these dear ones.  I want to use my voice in my spheres of influence to remind myself and others that there are children like JJ in the world who question why someone would love them.  Orphaned and neglected children who have been given a second chance at a life and family.  Won't you join me in praying for these children?  Won't you consider learning more about the ministry at this one orphanage in this one country in this one time in history?  There are so many needs, but today I'm asking that we would all turn our attention to a little boy who doesn't understand why he's loved.  Let us think on the God who loved JJ and is orchestrating his life into a beautiful story of redemption.  And then, let us be quick to pray, quick to act, and quick to speak love into the lives of those around us!

Rev Haiti Home Link

Love in Christ, Jessie

Preach

I think I've found the most adorable preacher on the planet... After church on Sunday, Herode pulled out his children's storybook Bible, jumped onto the "stage" (picnic table), and began to preach.  He preached about how God made all the things, about how Jesus died on the cross, and about how He told his friends to go catch fish.  

Although some of his interpretation may have been a little off, since he was basically recalling details from devotions and "reading" the pictures of the storybook, Herode was demonstrating an inspirational heart of devotion to the story of God.  He stood up there and loudly declared what he knew to be true about his God.  

I'm reflecting on how rarely I use my voice to speak of God's goodness.  I sit quietly as life goes by and fail to praise my Creator and Savior.  When life is going well, I don't overflow with words of thankfulness, but rather smile and move forward without giving Him the glory He is due.  When life is hard, I use my voice to question and overflow with my warped understanding of who God is, instead of saying, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."  

As I sat in the sun listening to the meandering sermon of Herode, I was reminded of the power of a human voice.  How many times in history has one person started a great transformation by using their voice?  And so, I'm praying now for a voice to speak the praises of my God, a voice that looks into the every day mundane and ups and downs and declares the masterful, purposeful, loving, and redemptive work of Christ.  Basically, I'm praying to have a voice more like my funny little friend Herode.

Much love in Christ, Jessie :)

Captured

Last night I played capture the flag with the kids and teens from the Rev Haiti home.  We ran around the house in the dark trying to discover the hidden flags and win the game.  Unfortunately my team wasn't very successful.  Little Jean Wilson, who was on my team, kept defecting to the other side and trying to put his own teammates in jail.  Since he's only three, I took this as a sign that he didn't quite understand the rules of the game.  A couple times it was down to just two of my teammates guarding our flag and everyone else in jail on the other side of the house.  I could hear them calling, "Miss Jessica!  We are in jail!  Help!"  At one point it was down to just Mislene and I and we made a plan to set the capture teammates free.  Our plans ended with me in jail and the other team capturing our flag.  It was a really fun night full of giggles and shouting and lots of silliness.  

When I came back to the school, I walked down the street in the dark, it was a rare experience walking the streets and not feeling like an oddity, like a stranger, like a "blanc" (white). I was just one in a number of people walking around the city after dark.  It was a kind of strange feeling to know that so much of what makes me feel like a foreigner can disappear when my skin isn't visible!

As I settled in for the night, I reflected on the fun of the game and the time I spent with the kids and their new director, Amber.  I thought about some conversations she and I have shared this summer and in past years since we met in 2012.  I thought about the challenges that they are facing and the complexity of life in Haiti, and especially the life of children in orphanages in Haiti.  I thought about how easy it is to love those kiddos.  I also thought about how sometimes in the loving, people have made the lives of these dear ones more complicated and inconsistent.  It is easy to draw a parallel between our little game and the ways that these children can capture your heart.  I'm reminded again for the need to be supporting Amber and her mission group as they transition into the responsibilities and privileges of running the home.  What a huge task they have on their hands!  

At one point in the game Jean Wilson put himself in our jail and called out for Miss Amber to come rescue him.  "I in jail, Amber!"  He shouted in his sweet Creole-accented English.  He hadn't been tagged and forced into the "enemy's" jail.  In fact he was sitting in his own jail, in his own free side of the game.  He had willingly put himself into the captivity.  I realize how much I'm like this.  Foolishly I say that I need to have life go a certain way or have certain capacities or confidences before I engage in relationships or care for others in ministry.  I want to be assured of success before I step out, and so I put myself into the jail of fear or insecutirty or pride and life passes me by.  Instead, the gospel of Jesus reminds us that we are free.  This passage underlines the beauty of freedom from our fears and pride and the privilege of being under the authority of our loving Savior.  May we all know more fully what it is to have a heart and mind that are held captive by the perfect grace and truth and love of Jesus!

... But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness... ~Romans 6

Many thanks for following along with my thoughts and reflections on life and ministry and the beautiful gift of relationship with these dear friends in Haiti!  Love in Christ, Jessie