Transform

As I slowly transition back to life in the US, with a quick stop in Philadelphia before heading back to New Hampshire, I'm reflecting on this, my sixth summer in Haiti.  If I had to pick a single theme from what I've learned and experienced this summer, it would be transformation.  This summer has been one where I have been challenged to see God's promised kingdom coming in the here and now, even as we wait for its ultimate fulfillment in Heaven.

A "concert" at the children's home one afternoon...

This summer I've seen amazing brothers and sisters who have faithfully served and laid down their lives for others.  I've been inspired and encouraged by the sacrificial love that echoes the love of Christ for His people.  I've also seen conflict and challenge and uncertainty and fear and pride build great walls for ministry and service.  These walls can feel impenetrable, indestructible, and can send me headed for the hills (sometimes literally retreating to a mountain).  This summer I've been reminded (or maybe struck for the first time) about the need to dwell and engage in the brokenness of this life, even in those times when people and relationships and circumstances feel irreparable.  I confess to often submitting to my fears and pride and insecurities and judgemental heart as I worked with others this summer.  It is so easy to have my eyes focused on myself and my own little "kingdom," that I lose sight of the greater story of transformation that God is busy telling.

Jean Wilson playing with a toy car in the front yard

How thankful I am for this summer.  It has been, once again, a time of challenge in this walk of faith and in my view of ministry.  It has also provided me opportunities to connect with dear friends who bring encouragement and challenge and understanding as I so often feel like I'm fumbling through life.  One of the summer school teachers that I got to volunteer with this summer, Sarah, was particularly encouraging to me.  We have very similar life experiences, as single women, public school teachers, and whole-heartedly involved in the ministry of our local churches.  In talking with Sarah during her last night in Haiti, she said something so beautiful to me, and I desperately want it to be true, even if I don't think it actually is true of me at present.  She said that she appreciated how I kept reminding her of the need to demonstrate Christ's grace, to leave grace for others and for ourselves in this life.  Having only known me for one summer, I would argue that Sarah hadn't seen the ugliest judgementalism and fear that can sometimes pour out of my heart.  Her words did bring encouragement and challenge to me.  How I desire to echo the grace that my God has poured out on me!  How I want to be a reflection of His love and acceptance in this world.  How I desire to be His hands and feet, to help transform the world around me, even in the smallest and simplest ways.  

Sitting with Miss Losita, the Pre-K teacher at Christian Light School

In the middle of Hebrews 11, a chapter known as the "Hall of Faith," we read about the faithfulness of those seeking transformation, even while living in the exile of a broken world...

...These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.  If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return.  But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city...

Following these beautiful, although imperfect, examples of faith, we hear the call to live with endurance, to live in the brokenness of this place, as we rest in the knowledge that Christ is for us.  

In chapter 13 we are called to live and to be God's agents of transformation by calling us to...

-love continually (verse 1)

-show hospitality, especially to the stranger (verse 2)

-remember those who are mistreated and imprisoned (verse 3)

-be faithful to marriages and families (verse 4)

- live in a place of contentment rather than greed (verse 5)

A last sunrise over Port au Prince...

I'm thankful for this summer in Haiti because, once again, I've been able to see and then share with you how God is working in the hearts and lives of His people.  I've been blessed to be able to share the self-sacrifice which pours out into communities with love and joy.  These are echoes of God's heart of transformation for this world.  Thank you for sharing in this journey with me!  I'm looking forward to living out these beautiful truths of redemption and transformation back home with you all!  

Much love in Christ, Jessie

Why?

I gave JJ a big hug on my last evening visiting the children's home.  As I always do, I told him that I would be praying for him and thinking of him in the coming year.  I told him to work hard in school and to listen to those who are in authority over him.  I told him to not grow up too much before next summer.  And through teary eyes, I reminded him that I love him.  With his arms wrapped around me, he looked up and asked, "Why?"  At first I didn't understand.  "Why what?"  I asked in reply.  "Why do you love me?"  What a heart-breaking question.  My only response, through the lump in my throat was, "Because you're JJ.  That's why I love you.  Because you're you."  I don't know if that response meant anything at all to a little boy, but the conversation impacted me.  

Amber said recently that JJ has started telling everyone that his mom is dead.  He'll just interrupt the middle of prayers and say, "My mom is dead."  It's true.  She died in childbirth and he was raised by his aunt until she could no longer care for him.  He was hospitalized as a little one who was malnourished before he made it to the children's home in Gonaives and then was brought to the children's home in Port au Prince after the floods.  So many of the children at the Rev Haiti Home have stories like JJ.  Loss, sickness, devastation, death, abandon, neglect, being orphaned and apparently forgotten - they are stories of the most desperate sadness you'll ever encounter.  I think it's in part because of the brokenness that these kiddos have experienced at such a young age that loving relationships are so hard for them to understand.  

In the coming year, I am determined to be a much better advocate for these dear ones.  I want to use my voice in my spheres of influence to remind myself and others that there are children like JJ in the world who question why someone would love them.  Orphaned and neglected children who have been given a second chance at a life and family.  Won't you join me in praying for these children?  Won't you consider learning more about the ministry at this one orphanage in this one country in this one time in history?  There are so many needs, but today I'm asking that we would all turn our attention to a little boy who doesn't understand why he's loved.  Let us think on the God who loved JJ and is orchestrating his life into a beautiful story of redemption.  And then, let us be quick to pray, quick to act, and quick to speak love into the lives of those around us!

Rev Haiti Home Link

Love in Christ, Jessie

Preach

I think I've found the most adorable preacher on the planet... After church on Sunday, Herode pulled out his children's storybook Bible, jumped onto the "stage" (picnic table), and began to preach.  He preached about how God made all the things, about how Jesus died on the cross, and about how He told his friends to go catch fish.  

Although some of his interpretation may have been a little off, since he was basically recalling details from devotions and "reading" the pictures of the storybook, Herode was demonstrating an inspirational heart of devotion to the story of God.  He stood up there and loudly declared what he knew to be true about his God.  

I'm reflecting on how rarely I use my voice to speak of God's goodness.  I sit quietly as life goes by and fail to praise my Creator and Savior.  When life is going well, I don't overflow with words of thankfulness, but rather smile and move forward without giving Him the glory He is due.  When life is hard, I use my voice to question and overflow with my warped understanding of who God is, instead of saying, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."  

As I sat in the sun listening to the meandering sermon of Herode, I was reminded of the power of a human voice.  How many times in history has one person started a great transformation by using their voice?  And so, I'm praying now for a voice to speak the praises of my God, a voice that looks into the every day mundane and ups and downs and declares the masterful, purposeful, loving, and redemptive work of Christ.  Basically, I'm praying to have a voice more like my funny little friend Herode.

Much love in Christ, Jessie :)

Captured

Last night I played capture the flag with the kids and teens from the Rev Haiti home.  We ran around the house in the dark trying to discover the hidden flags and win the game.  Unfortunately my team wasn't very successful.  Little Jean Wilson, who was on my team, kept defecting to the other side and trying to put his own teammates in jail.  Since he's only three, I took this as a sign that he didn't quite understand the rules of the game.  A couple times it was down to just two of my teammates guarding our flag and everyone else in jail on the other side of the house.  I could hear them calling, "Miss Jessica!  We are in jail!  Help!"  At one point it was down to just Mislene and I and we made a plan to set the capture teammates free.  Our plans ended with me in jail and the other team capturing our flag.  It was a really fun night full of giggles and shouting and lots of silliness.  

When I came back to the school, I walked down the street in the dark, it was a rare experience walking the streets and not feeling like an oddity, like a stranger, like a "blanc" (white). I was just one in a number of people walking around the city after dark.  It was a kind of strange feeling to know that so much of what makes me feel like a foreigner can disappear when my skin isn't visible!

As I settled in for the night, I reflected on the fun of the game and the time I spent with the kids and their new director, Amber.  I thought about some conversations she and I have shared this summer and in past years since we met in 2012.  I thought about the challenges that they are facing and the complexity of life in Haiti, and especially the life of children in orphanages in Haiti.  I thought about how easy it is to love those kiddos.  I also thought about how sometimes in the loving, people have made the lives of these dear ones more complicated and inconsistent.  It is easy to draw a parallel between our little game and the ways that these children can capture your heart.  I'm reminded again for the need to be supporting Amber and her mission group as they transition into the responsibilities and privileges of running the home.  What a huge task they have on their hands!  

At one point in the game Jean Wilson put himself in our jail and called out for Miss Amber to come rescue him.  "I in jail, Amber!"  He shouted in his sweet Creole-accented English.  He hadn't been tagged and forced into the "enemy's" jail.  In fact he was sitting in his own jail, in his own free side of the game.  He had willingly put himself into the captivity.  I realize how much I'm like this.  Foolishly I say that I need to have life go a certain way or have certain capacities or confidences before I engage in relationships or care for others in ministry.  I want to be assured of success before I step out, and so I put myself into the jail of fear or insecutirty or pride and life passes me by.  Instead, the gospel of Jesus reminds us that we are free.  This passage underlines the beauty of freedom from our fears and pride and the privilege of being under the authority of our loving Savior.  May we all know more fully what it is to have a heart and mind that are held captive by the perfect grace and truth and love of Jesus!

... But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness... ~Romans 6

Many thanks for following along with my thoughts and reflections on life and ministry and the beautiful gift of relationship with these dear friends in Haiti!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Feast

Yesterday was the last day of Teacher's Summer Institute.  What a bittersweet time spent together with  people who are friends and colleagues and, most importantly, brothers and sisters in Christ. 

The highlight of this summer was being able to spend time talking and thinking and laughing and crying and praying and singing and playing and philosophizing with these amazing people.  I have so valued the insights that these men and women have shared with me over the past month.  They are thoughtful and caring and funny and loving educators and it is sincerely an honor to get to spend summers with them.  I sometimes walk away from a day with the staff at Christian Light School and pray that they might get one thing from our time together, knowing that I get hundreds of blessings from being with them each day.

To celebrate the accomplishment of finishing another Summer's training session, and also to unite the staff for the upcoming school year, we jumped into trucks and headed out to a local museum and restaurant.  There we learned a bit about the history of sugar cane in Haiti.  It was neat going through a museum experience with a group of teachers.  You could almost hear the information being sucked up by minds that are eager to learn! 

After the tour, we sat down to a yummy meal for our own little "feast."  It seemed like everyone was really enjoying the chance to just relax and enjoy spending time together.  

My friend and staff member at CLS, Ms. Guetty, was a big help with negotiating the payment and schedule for our visit.  When we arrived, we had a handful less teachers than we had originally planned, so she talked with the restaurant about cutting us a deal for the empty seats in our reservation.  Of course, as any good business would do, they explained that they had prepared the buffet for a certain number of people and couldn't change the pricing so late.  Well, that answer wasn't good enough for Ms. Guetty, who walked away from the meeting with the manager with a look of determination in her eyes.  "If we are going to pay for all of those meals, then people will eat!"  She was outraged that people would be starving on the streets and we would have food to spare at our table.  So, she walked over to the leader of a large group of children who were playing in the yard of the museum and explained the situation to him.  She told him that if he was able to choose, we would be happy to treat 6 of the children from his group to lunch.  And so, within a few minutes, the youngest of the children from the group, which turned out to be a community group which was just visiting the museum but unable to afford the restaurant, were sitting interspersed with the teachers of CLS.  As I looked around the table, I watched these educators converse with theses unknown little boys and girls whose eyes were wide as saucers at the food piled before them.  My heart was a mixture of utter joy and thankfulness.  Joy because I got to be a part of this feast table, this table of celebration and community and family.  Thankfulness that God has provided for us to enjoy the day and also to be a blessing to those around us as well.  By the end of the meal, I was struck once again by the heart of love that each of these teachers are blessed with.  They weren't "on duty" during this celebration, but they responded to the appearance of these little ones in the most natural of ways - by being teachers.  It made my heart sing!

I think about these teachers and their way of loving children and I pray that my students in New Hampshire would know even a fraction of that love and care from me, that they might see glimpses of my Heavenly Father in me.  As I look forward to transitioning back to life in the States soon, I'm praying for eyes to look at the places and people that God has placed me in the midst of and I'm praying for a heart that is moved with love and compassion.  I've had great examples this summer with these dear friends at Christian Light School!

Many thanks to you for following along again on another summer in Haiti!  With much love in Christ, Jessie :)

Super

I met a new friend, Brittany, this week who had been a visiting teacher from the States two years ago.  She had a very special bond with the special education class that she taught at CLS.  This week she came back for a visit and had some really sweet time with her students.  It's always exciting to meet different people who are involved in ministry in Haiti!  Like most visitors, Brittany and her mom, Tammy, brought bags full of goodies for their friends in Haiti.  One of gifts that they brought with them was a bag full of costumes.  It was so much fun watching the children from the home running around pretending to be superheroes!

For most of the summer, the littlest kiddo at the home, Jean Wilson, has been breaking into his alter-ego, Superman.  He runs around the yard and pretends to fly.  I pretend to swoon and we giggle about the idea of a superhero who comes to save the day.

In watching the kids play pretend like this, I can't help but think of some real life heroes of the faith that I've met over my time in Haiti.  I find that I meet such amazing people doing so many amazing things, and I want to know how to help and support their work beyond a few weeks in the summer.  They are inspiring examples of faith in action and my own understanding of what it means to be a Christian in this life is changed for having known them.  

This week I have really been impressed with the need to be praying specifically for the needs of these brothers and sisters and the ministries they are involved with.  I wanted to share a bit more about a few of my friends and personal heroes...

Ms. Clotilde and Mr. Walner are friends from past years at Christian Light School.  They are currently working as the house parents for the Rev Haiti Children's Home.  In addition to their work with the orphans, on the weekends they have also started an informal community schooling program in their neighborhood.  I had the opportunity to visit them earlier this summer and shared a bit about this in a previous post.  This week I talked more with Ms. Clotilde about their work with the neighborhood children. 

Clotilde told me that they started the school/church program because this generation of children in their neighborhood don't have families who will support them as they grow.  She said the families are broken by teen pregnancy, substance abuse, and voodoo worship. She said the children needed others to come into their lives to teach them about simple things in life that no one else is teaching them.  As they instruct the kiddos on how to show respect for others or care for themselves, they are also teaching them about Jesus and His great love for them.  Resources are hard to come by, but Clotilde and Walner are generous beyond what seems sensible, and continue to welcome dozens of children to their yard each weekend.

~

Rev means dream in Creole.  The Rev Haiti Children's Home is the newly adopted name of the children's home that I have been partnering with since my first visit to Haiti.  For various reasons, the home as branched off from the school and joined with a new mission organization.  My friend, Amber, who I met in 2013, has officially taken charge of the home.  Working with her home church and their sending mission organization, Amber has come back into the lives of the nearly 40 children living at the home.  I can't begin to express the thankfulness I feel when I think about Amber's willingness to pour out her life for these kiddos.  After years of being shuffled to different homes and living under different orphanage directors, these kids finally have a chance at a stable, consistent, loving, family-like home situation.  The task at hand is very complicated.  Not only does Amber need to care for the day-to-day needs of all the kids and teens living at the home, she is also responsible for overseeing the staff of nannies and cooks, maintaining the housing, ensuring all the children have proper medical care, and is currently working on updating the orphanage and registering it with the Haitian government, which is a road marked with many hurdles. 

~

I'm hoping that it's not just me who tends to worry and fret over the people that I love.  Instead of thinking of friends like Clotilde and Walner and Amber and lifting them up in prayer, I often let the questions and concerns about their lives and their ministries circle in my mind.  As if my worrying about their safety and physical provisions and endurance in the faith would actually help!  Instead, I'm writing this post in the hopes that I will remember to turn those worries and concerns into prayer and that you may join with me in praying for these dear ones!

Ephesians 6 ...praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Much love and thankfulness in Christ, Jessie 

Resources

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became one of those persnickety old people who tells children that they are not allowed to say "I can't."  At the beginning of each school year, I stand in the front of the classroom and write "I can't" on the board with an X on it, as if it is a street sign which will direct our way.  Of course, with some humor and a bit of sarcasm, my fifth graders usually respond with "Can we say, 'I can not'?"  "What about, 'I'm unable to...?'"  I generally respond to these questions with a grin and a "Good try..." and then ask the students to press forward with whatever challenge it is that we are facing.  

Somehow this can-do message hasn't made it from the silly stop sign on my classroom wall to my heart.  My walk of faith is full of "I can't"s.  Instead of the grittiness that I ask my students to show in the face of multiplying fractions or memorizing the states and capitals or dealing with disagreements with classmates at recess, my own heart looks at life and says, "I can't!"  

I determined recently that a great deal of my can't-do attitude stems from a belief that I don't have enough.  I know this person is isolated and walking through hard times, but I don't have enough patience to sort through the needs of that relationship.  I know that this ministry is in desperate need, but I don't have enough time to devote to another thing on the calendar.  I know that this group is in desperate physical need, but I don't really have enough money to spare.  I know that this situation is complicated and troubling, but I really don't have wisdom to speak into it.  I look at the circumstances around me, and even those uncertainties in my own life, and say that I lack the resources to respond faithfully.  Instead of recognizing the abundance that God pours out on His children, I tight-fistedly hold onto what I perceive is mine and refuse to be open-handed with these resources.

This mindset was highlighted this week as I worked with the secondary teachers.  We have a much smaller group of teachers and so we can focus on finding tools for each teacher's specific content area.  Yesterday I found myself sitting with three of the teachers looking for resources for them to use in the coming year.  The biology teacher and I were flipping through the pages of biology texts to find activities and hands-on experiences that he could integrate into his class in the coming year.  The Bible teacher was almost giddy as he scrolled through the articles, sermons and free online books available on the Desiring God website.  And the French literature and history teacher and I were busy digging through websites, looking for timelines and links to biographies of different French writers.  With each new resource the teachers responded with such thankfulness.  My own teacher-specific brand of nerdiness can completely relate to this enthusiasm.  I too love to develop curriculum and imagine how my students will benefit from the tools that I plan for them to use.  But the gratitude of these teachers was a testimony to their heart of thankfulness, and it reminded me of my own need to recognize the abundance with which I have been blessed.  And here I'm not thinking simply of access to physical resources.  It's more than that.  It's a recognition that in Christ we have all that we need.  

In our devotions this week we read again from The Prodigal God.  In the book there is a great section in which Tim Keller reminds us that whatever we are putting our hope in, whatever we are looking to for fulfillment and acceptance and love, if it's not God, then we will always be wandering.  We will always be searching.  Because it is God alone who can bear the weight of our souls.  It is for Him that we were created, and it is in Him alone that we find the abundance that stares down the heart of can't-do and says, in Him we are satisfied, in Him we have been blessed and therefore we can open-handedly bless. 

Thank you for following along, once again, with my ramblings.  I'm so thankful for the resources you have shared to make the time in Haiti possible.  The love and support and prayers and encouragement of my family and friends and church family are very tangible reminders of the abundance and resources that our God shares with us, His children.  Much love in Christ, Jessie 

Realm

If you were to draw a circle around your realm of influence, who would be inside of it?  My sphere would include my family and friends, my church community, my students, and the surrounding community where I work.  I've been thinking a lot lately about the circles in which I live.  I keep drawing these bubbles around groups and people.  In my mind I think about the blessing of these relationships and how thankful I am to have these cherished connections.  

The adventures of the past weekend have made me question how I view these realms.

On Saturday morning a few of the summer school teachers and I tagged along with a long-term missionary to visit a small community schooling program in Bon Repos, about a 30 minute drive outside of Port au Prince.  This informal schooling program was started in the yard of a relative of some of the former teachers at Christian Light School.  When we arrived, we parked the car and wandered through the little alleyways of the neighborhood.  The homes were modest, made from cement blocks and tin.  People were standing out in their yards and kindly smiled or nodded at us as we passed by.  

As soon as we walked through the gate of the home, we could hear the voices of children echoing their teacher.  Ms. Clotilde and her husband, Mr. Walner, who were both teachers at CLS a few years ago, are currently working as house parents at the children's home.  I have been very happy to become reacquainted with them this summer as they are both remarkable examples of faith and love in action.  They are also both very gifted educators.  They have started this schooling program to meet the needs of their community.  They looked around at their neighbors, at their circles, at their spheres of influence, and recognized a need.  Then they took action.  They invited the children from the neighborhood to come to do schooling with them in their yard.  They found missionaries who could sponsor the program so that they could feed about 60 children each week.  They take time to plan together and invite others to join in the planning.  When Clotilde invited me to come, she asked if I could plan a game for the children to play.  My students in New Hampshire would be happy to know that there are bunches of children in Haiti playing Wax Museum!  

The whole experience was overwhelming.  I was overwhelmed by the awareness of Clotilde and Walner, by their ability to look at their communities, their realms of influence, and recognize a need.  This vision sincerely humbles me.

This is a photo of Guetty and I having a little outing earlier this summer to the Apparent Project :)

Then on Sunday, my friend Ms. Guetty, who is currently working at the school as a volunteer coordinator, took us further out of the city to a neighborhood called Jerusalem.  This is a region that was basically uninhabited before the earthquake.  With all of the destruction in the city, many families were displaced and found land in Jerusalem was affordable, which lead to a very quick development of a small area of land.  The challenge with this kind of fast development, especially in Haiti, is that there was no infrastructure in Jerusalem to support the influx of people.  Schools, businesses, and even passable roads are gravely needed.  

After traveling for about an hour on public transportation (tap-tap) to Jeruslalem, Ms. Guetty took us to her home where we met her father, a kind and welcoming gentleman.  We walked together from their family home to the small school building that she and some of her friends have been using as an informal community school for children who can't afford schooling otherwise.  We were a bit late in arriving, so when we got there the children were all seated on the benches and awaiting us with curious smiles.  We spent the afternoon together singing and telling Bible stories and doing crafts and playing games in Creole.  It was such a blessing to see Ms. Guetty and her friends and family reaching out to their small community to bring hope and opportunities to these children.  

These experiences make me think about the needs that may be right around me that I never recognize or that I fail to act upon.  I'm praying now for eyes to see how God might let me be more like Clotilde, Walner and Guetty, seeing needs and being His hands and feet in this world.  

The apostle Paul thought the message to the Galatians was so important that he should write it with his own hand...

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the household of faith.

Many thanks to you all for following along with this summer in Haiti.  Much love in Christ and thankfulness that we are walking together this life of faith and share realms of influence!  Jessie :) 

Voice

A friend gave me money to do something "creative" with the kids this summer.  So, I brought a bunch of music and art things with me.  Included in the list of musical supplies was a little mandolin.  The past couple of days when we go over to the children's home for visits in the afternoons, I've taken the mandolin along.  How these kiddos love music!  It's fun to see them strum along on an instrument that fits their small arms.

I love that the first songs that come to their lips, the first words their voices raise in song are those of praise.  These kiddos who have experienced so many difficulties and have many challenges yet to come are so quick to worship God with their voices!

Today I'm praying that my voice will be lifted in praise - that instead of grumbling or gossip, it will be the greatness of our God that pours from my mouth!  

Much love and thankfulness for you all following along on this summer in Haiti!  Love in Christ, Jessie