Heavy

The trip began very early on Monday morning.  Thanks to my sister, Leah, and all the rest of my family for generously changing their routines to make sure I got to the airport for the very early flight.  As I walked toward the check-in counter, I said to one of the workers that I was very thankful to not be carrying the luggage all the way to Haiti myself.  My two checked bags were crammed full of school and art supplies, and lots of toothpaste.  Actually, God worked in the hearts of one of the airline workers and he allowed me to pack on a few extra pounds to my suitcases without charging any extra fee.  When I picked the bags up from the airport in Port Au Prince, I found this label attached...

                             

Of course I kind of smirked at the message of the label as I awkwardly maneuvered the luggage through the airport and to my friends waiting outside.  After I arrived at Christian Light School and greeted all my old friends,  I was very happy to unpack and distribute the goodies I had been sent with. Below is a picture of the massive quantity of toothpaste which was generously donated from my church family...

As I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep because of all the different sounds around me, I realized that this message "heavy" from my luggage was also keeping me awake.  My heart is heavy.  My mind is weighed down.  In the less than 24 that I have been in Haiti, I am confronted by my own reliance on what is comfortable, familiar, and safe.  In many ways I am so happy to be here and to see all the kiddos.  I have been on a day-long hugging spree.  I can't say how much I have missed these dear children and cherish each moment with them.  It is amazing to see how they have grown and changed in a year!

Even with all these wonderful moments, my sinful, wandering heart is seeking something more.  Appropriately, the Sunday before I left, our pastor preached about the "hole" in our hearts. This place that is the core of our being- the ultimate meaning of our existence.  He shared a very telling truth about humanity, that we try to fill this hole with many things, none of which are able to satisfy.  I am reminded today that my heart can't be fixed on finding ultimate fulfillment in collecting things, or building relationships, or even doing a service for the Lord.  Instead, my heart must be fixed on Him.  In Him I find my comfort, my security, my purpose, my all in all.  

I realize this message really has very little to do with the place I'm at, but somehow I've found that in Haiti I seem to be more open to God's truths.  Maybe it is the weight of all the good things I enjoy in New Hampshire that can make it hard for me to seek after the God who alone brings ultimate and lasting peace, joy, and fulfillment.  Whatever the reason, I'm thankful for the reminder to tear down the idols of my heart and to look to Christ.

Thank you all for continuing along on this journey with me!  I promise to send pictures of the kids soon and share all about what's going on at the school.   Love in Christ, Jessie