Hungry

Tonight I made chili for dinner.  We had heaping bowlfuls of hearty, life-sustaining vegetables with savory flavors that make your mouth water.  

I cried as I made this meal.  As I sliced carrots and zucchini and minced garlic, I kept picturing Haitian sisters and mothers and daughters who do not have a nutritious meal to feed their families tonight.  I am like these women in so many ways.  I have fears and have known failures.  I have people I call family and love with intensity.  I have experienced simple joys of life - walking in the sunshine, laughing with friends, a hug of comfort in a moment of sadness.  But unlike these women, I don't know what it means to go through life uncertain where the next meal will come from.  I don't know what it is to look into the eyes of a hungry child and tell them there is nothing.  

Matthew 28 Feeding Program, 2018

Right now in Haiti there are an estimated 2.6 million people who are living with insecurity about where their next meal is coming from.  Drought and economic instability and civil unrest are all to blame.  There is a long legacy of unsustainable farming practices, corrupt government leadership, and lack of access to education which also complicate the situation in Haiti.  Natural disasters help to feed the circumstances which allow so many people to go without food.

This summer I am struggling with food.  If I'm being completely honest with myself, food is always a bit of a struggle.  In our culture of comfort and ease, there is so much packed into food.  It easily can become a source of emotional comfort or a source of guilt and shame.  When we have access to so much, it is easy for excess to become the norm.  And what's worse, it's excess without any sense of gratitude, any sense of the overwhelming blessing it is to know there will be food to eat the next time we are hungry.

All Matthew 28 Feeding Centers are run by local community leaders

In Ezekiel 16, the prophet is declaring God's judgment on His faithless people.  At one point, Ezekiel notes the parallels of sins in Israel and in Sodom, a place that would bring to mind great godlessness and depravity in the minds of the Israelites...

"...your younger sister, who lived to the south of you, is Sodom with her daughters. Not only did you walk in their ways and do according to their abominations; within a very little time you were more corrupt than they in all your ways. As I live, declares the Lord God, your sister Sodom and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty and did an abomination before me. So I removed them, when I saw it." (Ezekiel 16:46-50) 

I'm thinking a lot about the families in Haiti who are going hungry.  I want to help.  I want to find ways to lean in and love well.  I want to be Jesus' hands and feet to those in need.  And even though I can't be there in person this summer to help, God has opened a door to care for those in need...

The Apparent Project is a nonprofit organization which employs Haitian artisans in the hopes of preserving families by giving parents the dignity of reliable work. I will be hosting an Apparent Project fundraiser this summer. Half of the funds will be returned to the Haitian artisans at the Apparent Project.  The other half of the funds raised will go to the Matthew 28 Ministries in Bohoc, Haiti.  This ministry is in need of support for their feeding programs.  They serve about 25,000 meals a month and the need is increasing.  Given the growing food crisis in Haiti, it feels urgent to do what we can now to help... to be Christ's hands and feet and help those who are in need because we have known the great, saving help of God in our most desperate time of need.

If you are interested in buying any of the goods from the fundraiser, you can let me know.  You can also stop at the Newport Farmer's Market on Friday 7/12 from 3-6 and connect with me there!

Many thanks for caring, for reading, for praying, for giving.  Even though this summer isn't spent in Haiti, I find that my heart is still there and I'm thankful to be able to share it with you.
Love in Christ, Jessie

Broken

Port au Prince, 2011

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I've been observing brokenness lately.  Brokenness in relationships.  Brokenness in physical bodies.  Brokenness in troubled spirits and anxious minds.  Brokenness of failed hopes and crushed dreams.  Brokenness in corrupt and confused governments.  Brokenness in divided and suspicious people.  Some of this brokenness is close at hand.  I'm keenly aware of the brokenness of my own nature which is so easily ruled by fear and pride, selfishness and anxiety.  There are moments lately when the brokenness feels overwhelming and threatens to consume me.

Throughout this spring I have been eagerly planning for another summer in Haiti.  Plans were more scattered than in past years, but the expectation that this summer would be spent in Haiti was something I took for granted.  This would be my ninth summer in Haiti.  My ninth summer of returning to a place that has become like a home to me.  My ninth summer of reconnecting with missionary friends, working with Haitian teacher friends, and laughing with dear sweet children who are quickly becoming teenagers and young adults at this point.  My ninth summer of building bridges, of connecting my Haiti home with my New Hampshire home and seeing God's universal Church busy about the work of living out gospel love.

The little ones enjoying sugar cane, 2012

Then more brokenness came in the form of broken economics and civil unrest. One opportunity for service after another seemed to slip through our fingers as my teacher friend Sarah and I tried to make plans for ministry in Haiti this summer.  Missionaries were leaving Haiti or they felt uncertain about the safety of traveling in Haiti currently.  Civil unrest increased during the month of June as manifestations in the streets were fueled by information about more brokenness in the government. 

For me, in the midst of planning and expecting the gift of summer in Haiti, it was a time of frustration and confusion - a time of brokenness.  I kept questioning God.  I knew things were increasingly bad for my friends in Haiti.  I knew that my presence couldn't really change the bad they continue to experience.  But still, I wanted to be there, to enter into their suffering and let them know, you are not alone.  

After prayers and searching, Sarah and I finally determined that God was closing the door to our ministry in Haiti this summer. I continue to feel the brokenness of this situation. I am mourning the loss of time spent with dear friends.  I am feeling the brokenness of a loss of purpose found in ministering in that special place.  I am struggling to make sense of the pain and suffering being experienced in Haiti in comparison to the ease and comfort experienced in my life here.  

In the few weeks since we made this decision, I keep hearing bits and pieces of news from Haiti.  Missionary friends and faithful ministries send newsletters with heartbreaking updates. The United Nations update from June 17 notes that the cost of living in Haiti has increased 23% in the past year, putting more than 2.6 million Haitians in a situation where daily food is uncertain.  Those are 2.6 million mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, neighbors and friends, who are grappling with the persistent and increasing brokenness of hunger, of want, of uncertainty.

My friend, Hein, who directs the Matthew 28 Ministries in Bohoc, Haiti sent a very heartfelt plea to friends of the ministry explaining the desperation the people are feeling right now.  Each month Matthew 28 provides 25,000 meals to hungry children in the rural areas around Bohoc.  Because of the civil unrest, missionary and church groups are pulling out of Haiti and reinvesting their time and resources to other projects.  In the same breath, though, Hein speaks hope into the brokenness and shares the joys of attending the preschool graduation this spring.

Just today I got news that 2nd Story Goods, one of the nonprofits that works to provide Haitians with the opportunity for skill development and the dignity of consistent work, had to close the doors of their shop in Port au Prince due to a marked decrease in foreign visitors.  Even while they feel the loss of this opportunity in Port, the people at 2nd Story Goods speak words of hope and trust that God will open new doors for their organization to continue to support Haitian families.

Right now the civil unrest and economic crisis leave ministries and nonprofits in Haiti in an increasingly hard place. Even for those seeking to do good and love as Christ loves, still there is brokenness.

Wilderson, 2013

In moments when I am overwhelmed by the immensity of the brokenness of this world, I am reminded of the lessons of faith my Haitian friends have taught me.  There is something about the resiliency of a tried spirit which makes their faith so incredibly attractive.  I remember my first summer in Haiti and the feeling of awe at the faith, the true spiritual wealth, of people in this place.  

Their faith has feet and hands.  It is active.  

It leans into the most broken of circumstances in this life.  

It's the kind of faith that empowers a brokenhearted Mom to keep serving even after her child is crushed in an earthquake.  

It's the kind of faith that gives a young orphaned child the confidence to pray through their fears and sorrows.  

It's the kind of faith that strengthens teachers to care for the needs of children in desperate situations in the hopes of seeing them thrive.

It's the kind of faith that sings songs of praise through the night.  

It is this kind of faith that I have glimpsed in Haiti over and over again.  It is the lesson of God's goodness and the ways in which we are called to trust in Him. This is what I am recalling from my summers in Haiti. It is the reminder that even in the brokenness we see glimpses of God's restoration at work. 

Just as God gave Jeremiah a vision of restoration after the devastation of exile, so too God's word reminds us that no matter what brokenness we walk through, He is faithful, and we can join the voices of those who await the fullness of His restoration...

“Give thanks to the Lord of hosts,

    for the Lord is good,

    for his steadfast love endures forever!"

~Jeremiah 33:11

Sunset over Port au Prince, 2017

Thank you for following along with me on this unexpected summer far from Haiti.  Thank you for praying with me for Haiti.  Love in Christ, Jessie