Weaving

I wasn't expecting to add to this blog until the next time God gives me an opportunity to return to Haiti, but, as seems to happen so often, He had other plans.  I give you fair warning that this post is a collection of many different ideas rambling around in my heart and mind based on experiences from the past few days, so be prepared for a note that is a bit longer and more wandering in nature.  There are no highways or interstates here, only bumpy and winding dirt roads through the vast countryside...

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Yesterday I got to go to a party.  I wanted to tell you all about it.  It was a party to celebrate prayers answered after years of waiting.

Haiti, 2012

I met Barbie while teaching in Haiti in 2012 and spent a wonderful summer getting to know this amazing woman of faith.  In our first conversation I discovered that she was in the process of adopting three teenagers from Haiti.  No, that's not a typo, she was eagerly and enthusiastically pursuing the adoption of Daniel, Edeline, and Shelove, three remarkable Haitian teenagers. After years of struggling through seemingly endless barriers, nearly one year ago Barbie welcomed her "Haiti Three" home for good.

Yesterday, as we were celebrating the anniversary of their homecoming, I was reflecting on the ways that God works.  Last summer I was visiting Daniel, Edeline, and Shelove at their Haitian orphanage and now I'm sitting and talking and laughing and worshipping with them in the loving shelter of their home in Connecticut.  

Haiti, 2013

At the end of the party, Daniel led a time of worship and shared a devotional with us.  He talked about Exodus and the Israelites who followed Moses out of Egypt only to question God's faithfulness when hardship came.  Daniel, who at eighteen years old has experienced more pain, loss, and hardship than I can even begin to imagine, encouraged us to always have faith in God.  In beautifully Creole-accented English, he pled with us to believe in God's work in our lives and to trust Him in all things.  

               

   

Connecticut, 2014

During our first summer together in Haiti, Barbie shared with me her ideas about living open-handedly before the Lord.  Here she was, a mom clearly called by God, who had no guarantee of when or if her children would ever be able to come home.  As she shared about the different steps she was taking to move the adoption process forward, I was awed.  I don't think I've ever fought for anything with such tenacity and unfailingly faith-filled determination.  But it wasn't just her great struggle that caught me off guard, it was her way of trusting God in the process, in the unknown.  I can still see her holding her hands open and outstretched as she talked about God's faithfulness and her belief that He would accomplish His will in His perfect timing.  It was as if she were saying, 

"Have Your way God. 

Have Your way with these dear ones, 

those whom I love more than my own life.  

I'm trusting in You.  

Even in the face of pain and confusion and uncertainty, 

I'm trusting in You."

She wasn't gripping with tight fists, but was faithfully surrendering all to Christ.  As I have seen God work in the life of Barbie and her kids, it is this surrender to God's work in spite of apparently insurmountable barriers that continues to intrigue me.

Haiti, 2012

Before making the drive to visit Barbie and the kids, I was chatting with a friend after church and our conversation about trials and thankfulness came around to an idea from the book Trusting God Even When Life Hurts.  In the book, the author talks about life and history as if it were a detailed tapestry.  

"...History is like a giant piece of fabric with very intricate and complex patterns.  During the limited span of our lifetimes, we see only a tiny fraction of the pattern.  Furthermore... we see the pattern from the underside.  The underside of a weaving usually makes no sense.  Even the upper side makes little sense if we view just a tiny piece.  Only God sees the upper side, and only He sees the entire fabric with its complete pattern.  Therefore we must trust Him to work out all of the details 

to His glory and our good bound up together." ~Jerry Bridges

So often I find myself trying to make sense of the details and minutiae of life.  I question why this had to happen or why that didn't happen as I expected.  I look at the experiences of my life, the lives of those around me, and the greater world, and many times I'm left feeling very confused by what I see.  I love picturing all of history as an intricate weaving.  God sees and oversees the whole picture and nothing catches Him off guard.  Instead, in a very beautiful way He is sovereignly pulling together all things for two great outcomes: His glory and our good.  How amazing that these two are indeed "bound up together,"  that His glory and our good could be inextricably linked. 

During the sermon on Sunday the issue of God's will came up.  I laughed out loud when the preacher said, "Knowing God's will, oh bummer..." In a playful way he was demonstrating just how complicated this topic can be.  He said what is so often true for me, that I view God's will as a complex and mysterious concept that generally exists just beyond my reach.  Instead, passages like the first chapter of Colossians show us that God desires for us to know His will.  He desires for us to know and trust Him.  He wants us to look at His love and sacrifice, to see His grace and mercy, to believe in the freedom and forgiveness we have in Him, and to walk each day in faith in who He is. As was preached on Sunday, this walk of faith will keep eyes focused on Him and pour itself out in a spirit of endurance, patience, and thankfulness. God's will is this beautiful work of a weaver pulling together all things to create a story of such amazing grace that it will result in His being eternally glorified.  And we, His children, will benefit forevermore from His goodness to us.

When I look at the story of Barbie and her kids, I see a little glimpse of the upper side of the tapestry that God is weaving.  His work is so intricate and so perfect.  I'm thankful for the opportunities to catch a passing view of the bigger picture. 

Recently these big ideas seem to consume my heart and mind.  Lately I've taken to climbing out on the roof at night to stare up at the stars.  As I watch the stars in the night's sky, I am reminded that the same all-powerful and all-seeing God who put them in the heavens is taking our hurts and joys and questions and fears and all the mundane moments of our lives and weaving together a tapestry of history beyond our greatest of dreams.  This weaving tells the story of redemption.  So whether I can see the beauty of the pattern or not, I'm praying for faith to walk and live and love and serve fully in eager anticipation of that beautiful tapestry that He is weaving.

Thank you again for following along on this journey from Haiti to New Hampshire and places in between.  The deeper spiritual truths revealed by these Haiti connections are a great blessing in my life and it is a true honor to be able to share them with you.  Much love in Christ, Jessie

Cling

Goodbye.  My least favorite word.  The worst part of going to Haiti is having to say goodbye, having to let go.  It starts with having to say goodbye to my friends and family and church in New Hampshire, even if it's only for a few weeks.  Then I face the inevitable goodbye to my friends in Haiti.  Each year as I prepare to leave, my heart becomes sad, anxious, and consumed with the pain of letting go.  Questions nag me... Will these dear friends be okay this year?  Will Magdala be raised up to know God's love for her?  Will Bernaldo learn more about God's calling on his life?  Will Carmelle be reminded that she is an invaluable daughter of the King?  Will Kevenson get the medical treatment he needs?  Will little Jean Wilson be safe and watched over?  Will the Haitian teachers be able to overcome the incredible challenges of teaching this school year?  Will everyone be safe?  Will daily needs be met?  Will health and wellness prevail over sickness and disease?  Will faith abound or will doubt in the face of endless pain and hardship overcome?  I look at these people I love and want to cling onto them for dear life.  I want to cling to the hopes and dreams I have for their lives.  I wish I could split myself and be present for life with everyone in Haiti and New Hampshire.  I don't want to let go.  I don't want to say goodbye.

Recently I've thought a lot about my tendency to become like human velcro.  I think it all comes down to a faith that is easily overcome by fear.  I am so afraid of loss that I allow fear to guide me.  I grip onto that which I should be holding openly before the Lord.

The question is, do I really believe that God is faithful?  Do I really believe that I can trust Him?  If the answer is yes, then I don't have to hold onto people, dreams, and desires with such a vice-grip.  If I really believe that He is faithful, I will trust that the people I love are safe in His loving hands.  I will believe that He is sovereign over each moment of my life and that nothing comes to me or is withheld from me outside of His providential workings.  I will believe that His perfect will brings about greater things than I can begin to desire for myself, the people I love, and the greater world.  

So, as I pray for faith to trust God in the goodbyes, to trust Him in letting go, to trust Him in living open-handed, to trust Him with the people I love and my hopes and dreams and desires for each of our lives, I'm reminded that it is to Him that I must cling...

O God, you are my God; 

earnestly I seek you; 

my soul thirsts for you; 

my flesh faints for you, 

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory. 

Because your steadfast love is better than life,

 my lips will praise you. 

So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands. 

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, 

and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, 

when I remember you upon my bed, 

and meditate on you in the watches of the night; 

for you have been my help, 

and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. 

My soul clings to you; 

your right hand upholds me. 

Psalm 63

My prayer is that you too, my family and friends, would be clinging to Him, this faithful One who upholds us.  I'm praying that in each day, in each moment, we would be reminded of His faithfulness and our hearts would respond by desperately seeking Him and laying down our concerns before Him.  It is only in the laying down that I remember He loves you better than I can ever love you, He cares for you better than I could ever care for you, and He provides for you better than I could ever provide for you.  This means I'm not really saying goodbye, I'm not really letting go, I'm simply trusting God to be God and believing that there is no better place for any if us to be than in the shelter of His arms.

As I return to the routines of life in New Hampshire, I wanted to once more say thank you for following along with me on this summer's journey to Haiti.  Your words of encouragement and prayer for the past few weeks have helped reminded me to turn my eyes to Christ and cling to Him.  With many thanks and much love in Christ, Jessie

Fall

As the time comes for me to leave Haiti again, I'm reflecting on what these past few weeks have brought.  I think during this trip, maybe more than others, the Lord has reminded me of who He is and who we are in light of who He is.  As I've been able to reconnect with these dear friends, I have been reminded...

He is faithful.  He is creator and sustainer.  He is relational.  He is constant.  He is strong.  He is all-knowing.  He is perfectly just.  He is compassionate.  He is long-suffering.  He is loving.  He is God.

We are redeemed.  We are set free from sin and death.  We have a future.  We have hope for all of eternity.  We are given a new identity.  We are adopted into His family.  We are called to live in community within His body. We are given an ultimate purpose.  We are forgiven.  We are safe in His hands.  We are loved and given the ability to love in return.  We are His. 

Forgetting our nationalities and languages, whether we are rich or poor, young or old, black or white, male or female, all other things seem insignificant in light of who He is and who we are in Him.

My pastor sometimes talks about the difference between a "have to" and a "get to" life of faith and service.  For me, I think it's a matter of remembering.  When I remember who He is and who I am, I am driven to fall down before Him.  My heart desperately seeks to worship Him when I remember.

To Your name alone 

Belongs all the glory and all the honor 

Every other name will fade away 

And only You my king will have the glory in that day 

And every high and lofty thing that we have made 

Will be brought to the ground before You my God 

And in Your presence we will fall down
~"Fall Down" by Rivers and Robots

Thank you for joining me on this journey!  I look forward to continuing to live this life of faith with you all in New Hampshire soon!  Much love in Christ, Jessie

Mail

I'm not much of a packrat, but I have to admit that letters and notes are things I have a hard time letting go of.  The thought that someone took time to record their words in writing for me holds great meaning.  I love being able to look back at notes from friends and family.  It helps me to remember my past, recall words of encouragement, and cherish the amazing people God has put into my life.

Each summer I fill the role of mail carrier.  I take letters from children from my home church in New Hampshire and deliver them to the children in Haiti.  Today I had the children write back to their pen pals.  It's amazing how something as simple as a handwritten letter can make us feel valued.  There were many precious moments today as the children read their letters with big smiles, some even hugging their mail from their far-away friends.

 

Thank you to those who had their children write letters.  Today these precious kiddos were encouraged  in the knowledge that they are not forgotten.  These letters reminded them of the truth that they are important, remembered, and valued.  Thank you also for the words of encouragement and support you have sent my way, as I enter the last few days in Haiti, I'm thankful for the continued blessing of being able to share this experience with you!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Narrative

During these past two weeks of teacher institute, we have been discussing writing.  Here are a few pictures of us taking breaks to play some English vocabulary games... I only wish I could have captured the enthusiasm, cheering, laughter, and overall lightheartedness of these moments!

 

Each morning I start our writing class out with a prompt.  The teachers get about 10 minutes to write their response to the prompt.  We've discussed a wide variety of topics during this time together.  It is exciting to hear the teachers share bits of their stories, their personal narratives.  

In the past few years, as I have been taught and learned more about the gospel and the implications it has in my life, I have seen the Lord break down my walls of isolation and fear.  He has opened me to a deep desire to be in loving community and relationship with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I have grown to love opportunities to discover someone's story, the narrative of their life.  To know someone's history, to have them share their families, their friendships, their fears, their joys, their life experiences and their dreams for the future with me is an honor. 

During these summers in Haiti, I have had the particular blessing of making connections with many amazing brothers and sisters, both Haitian and American.  This summer it was a great encouragement to hear more about what is going on in the lives of the Haitian teachers.  They have amazing stories of God's faithfulness in the midst of storms and trials.  I love how quick they are to turn even the most heartbreaking circumstances into an opportunity to praise God.  They are using the narratives of their lives to point back to the goodness of their Savior.  

In my reading and reflecting this summer I have been thinking a lot about how God works all things together for our good and His glory.  This quote from the Gospel Coalition website helps to articulate beautiful truths in the face of my tendency to live in regret and doubt about my past and the narrative of my life...

You know that Jesus gives you a better future. But do you know, Christian, that he also gives you a better past?

Think back over your history, no matter how motley. All the things you did or did not do. All those choices made in cowardice, carelessness, or foolishness. Whether through oversight, ignorance, or sin. Jesus says to you what Joseph said to his fearful, regretful brothers. Be of good cheer. God ordained that all of them would be for your own good, and for his own glory.

To paraphrase John Newton: everything was needful that he sent. Nothing was needful that he withheld. Yes, if you had your time over again, you would choose differently. But know this: Your Father, whose name is Love, would not.

If there is repenting to be done, repent. But then set the chrysalis aside. Look up. Take your place in wonder alongside Joseph’s brothers, and with the rest of God’s people. Know that you did not fall between the cracks of your own life. Nothing in your past, present, or future can separate you from the love of Christ.

Feel that fierce embrace, within which no worldly regret can draw breath.

What a blessing it has been to be reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness by my friends in Haiti!  Thank you for taking time to follow along on this journey with me, I'm praying that you might be encouraged as you have encouraged me with your prayers and faithful reminders of God's truth!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Thrive

Here are some of the long awaited photos of the children in their new home.  The prayer is that this will be a place, a home, where they can live and abide and thrive!

 

Baseball

In the afternoons I have been working with a small group of Haitian teachers on English reading comprehension.  Today we finished reading a biography of Jackie Robinson.  

What conversations this little book led us to!  From the history of segregation in America to the rules of baseball, our book group has 
been full of interesting discussions.  We even took some time out of our studies to learn about baseball firsthand...

Mr. Olritch, one of the high school teachers, showed particular 

skill at pitching.

That's right, I even took a turn at bat.  I think they took it easy on me though, as I managed to get on base!

Mr. Richard, the Bible teacher, has really enjoyed learning different cheers for baseball.  The whole time we were playing he was shouting, "Swing batter, batter, batter!"

Bernaldo, one of the 11th graders, joined in the fun to help balance the teams.

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Although we have had a lot of fun together, our reading group has also discussed some very deep and challenging topics.  Today we wrote and talked about justice...

What do we, as Christians, do with the injustice we see in the world?  We observe unfair treatment and violations of human rights.  What do we do with hate and the actions that are brought about by hate.  What does Christ teach us about these issues?  Something inside us cries out for justice when we or the people we love are victims of injustice.  When we see people suffer, we are moved with compassion.  This isn't the natural human response, instead it seems like the natural response is to repay hatred with hatred and mistreatment with more mistreatment.  But this isn't true for the believer.  For us, we take these evils and are free to respond with Christ's love.  We look in the eye of injustice and find peace and even joy in the knowledge that He is working to make all things new.  After all, didn't He, our perfect Savior, suffer more injustice than any of us will ever know?  He suffered physical pain, emotional anguish, and the overwhelming shame of isolation, abandonment, and false accusations.  In all this, He suffered as the only perfect and innocent One.  He did so for love, so that He could be glorified in the redemption of His fallen creation.  What do we, as Christians, do in response to injustice, segregation, and hatred?  We cling to the hope that Christ has overcome with justice, unity, and love.

Many, many thanks to my friends and family for your continued prayers.  With less than a week left here, I'm praying that Christ could use me to be an encouragement and support to these dear friends as you all have been to me!  Thank you for following along with me on this journey!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Finally

Home.  What a powerful word this is.  It brings to mind a place of safety and welcome.  It speaks of comfort and loving relationships.  It means that you belong.

Since the 2010 earthquake, the more than 30 orphans at Christian Light have been homeless.  Over the past four years they have been shifted from classroom to classroom in temporary camp-like conditions. It has been four years without a real, stable, secure, and comfortable place to call home.

This weekend we helped with the cleaning, packing, and moving of luggage that would help to transition the children to their new home.  Here are some of the younger children (making some silly little faces) sitting on the mounds of clothing that we washed and packed into bags for the move.

As we worked together and I talked with some of the older children, it was clear that they have become a bit disillusioned and don't want to put too much hope or excitement into this move.  I think it's hard for them to believe that finally, they are home.  Their new home is a really beautiful place with a large play area outside. I'm hoping to get some photos in the next few days, once the chaos of the transition has settled.

Thank you, my friends and family who make New Hampshire my home, for following along with me during this time in Haiti.  Thank you for the words of encouragement and prayers that help me to remember that no matter where we are or what is happening in our lives, we are safe and secure and accepted and belong because of who we are in Christ.  What a blessing it is to be reminded of the truth that with Him I am finally and always home!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Body

I started this post last Sunday, so it's actually a week old, but it's still a good glimpse into a Sunday in Haiti...

As Christians, Christ has given us the unique calling to be a part of His body.  This imagery conveys so much.  It speaks to the unity and diversity you find in the church.  It also demonstrates the interdependency we have because we are members of one body.  The image of having Christ as our "head" shows where we get our guidance and direction from.  

When you travel to different countries and interact with believers, it is an interesting and encouraging experience.  Even with the language and cultural differences, the unity of the body still exists.  Joining in a Bible study or church service in Haiti is a time to see how brothers and sisters are growing in their faith and love in this very different culture.

Today we went to Port au Prince Fellowship.  Getting to church was an adventure as we had to use public transportation.  This means jumping onto multiple "tap-taps" which are basically overstuffed trucks.  This is a very blurry picture, which accurately portrays the chaos that is riding in tap-tap.

It was an encouraging time of worship with Americans and Haitians 
together.  The sermon focused on having a heart that longs for the Lord.  I found this reminder from Psalm 42 encouraging and challenging as we remember to keep our eyes and hearts focused on the One who is our Head.

 As a deer pants for flowing streams, 

so pants my soul for you, O God.  

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 

When shall I come and appear before God?  

My tears have been my food day and night, 

while they say to me all the day long, 

"Where is your God?"  

These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: 

how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise,

 a multitude keeping festival.  

Why are you cast down, O my soul, 

and why are you in turmoil within me? 

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Thank you for following along with me.  I'm praying that your time of fellowship and worship today would be blessed!  Love in Christ, Jessie 

Morning

Busy days are expected at Christian Light School.  I have found that the early morning is when I can find some (relative) quiet and time for reflection.  

This summer I am an instructor in the summer teacher institute for about 30 Haitian teachers. What a blessing it is to work with these friends and colleagues again! The union we have as brothers and sisters in Christ isn't impacted by cultural differences, and it's exciting to share a common vision as Christian educators.  This first week of teacher training has gone by so quickly!  I'm praying that this time together will encourage these extraordinary teachers and provide them with strategies to help their teaching become more effective.

We start teacher training each morning before 7:00 with a snack.  Then Mr. Richard, the Bible teacher, leads us in a devotional.  Following this the primary and secondary teacher groups rotate through working with Ms. Sherrie on science instruction and creative writing with me.  In the afternoons the Haitian teachers work in small groups on English reading.  I spend the late afternoons and evenings playing with the kids in the orphanage.  

At the end of a long day, I go to sleep looking forward to the coming morning.

I always love the early morning hours.  These moments are a chance God gives to make a fresh start, to be renewed in my faith, to remember His goodness, and to refocus on the call to love those He puts in my path.  So regardless of what comes today, I'm thankful for this sunrise, for this morning that God gave to me, and for the opportunity to spend a few quiet moments reflecting on Him in the midst of the busyness.  Thank you for taking time out of your day to follow along on this journey with me!  Love in Christ, Jessie

T.I.H.

A few summers ago after experiencing some of the unique qualities of life in Haiti, we came up with a quick phrase to help us explain all of those happenings that didn't fit our prior life experiences.  "This is Haiti" quickly was shortened to "T.I.H."  You could hear the refrain many times during the day as we experienced so many things beyond our realm of exposure.  These past few days we have had quite a few "T.I.H." moments...

I've been sleeping in the hammock on the roof the past few nights due to more overcrowding in the visitors' rooms.  Sunday night was complete with smoke from a local garbage burning, distant gun-shots, and multiple noisy church services including one that started up at about 3:00 A.M.  Thankfully the Lord allowed me to wake up refreshed and ready for the first day of summer school.  Here's a picture of J.W. playing in the hammock.

This afternoon, I walked into the market to buy mangoes with Patrick, who is one of the teachers at CLS. Normally a walk through the small side streets of Port au Prince means people pointing and calling out to me as an obvious foreigner.  The two of us walked through the market and purchased 20 mangoes out of the back of a truck.  Tonight I'll cut them up to serve for a snack during teacher training tomorrow.

Jovenel and I sat together this evening and just sang praise songs for about an hour.  I don't know many other 11 year old boys who are so excited to get copies of the lyrics of praise and worship songs.

A mouse joined me in the shower yesterday. I think that's all I need to say about that...

We paused teacher training yesterday to get the score of the World Cup game.  Apparently some of our teachers are major Argentina fans.  Needless to say, there were some very happy people by the end of the afternoon when Argentina walked away with a win!  Here we are on the roof with the big kids watching the U.S. team playing.

In all these T.I.H. experiences I am being reminded of my need to rely on the Lord, in both big and small things.  Whenever I'm in Haiti, I'm confronted with my selfishness and desire for comfort and an easy life.  I am also brought face to face with the amazing, grace-filled truth that Jesus did in fact come to bring a new, full, and deep life.  I am so thankful for this experience, including the open-air markets, the precious children, the amazing Haitian teacher colleagues, the city-wide love of soccer, and even the laughter with new friends that comes after meeting the rodents (some of unusual size).

Thank you for taking time to let me share this experience with you.  What a blessing it is to know that I am a part of such a loving family and community of believers!  Your thoughtful words and prayers are a continual encouragement to me!  Love in Christ, Jessie

Instead

Jean Wilson has stolen my heart. He is the newest addition to the children's home and is just the sweetest little guy.  At 13 months old, Jean Wilson (J.W.) came to CLS as a malnourished and sickly infant.  Over these past months he has grown and is now a happy and healthy little boy.  The hope is that his mom, who lives in the nearby ravine, will be able to take him home some day soon.  Until that time comes, J.W. is safe, cared for, and so very loved.  It is a blessing to see the way all of these children are cared for.  As children they have survived some of the greatest of pains, rejections, and losses known to the human experience, but this is not the end of their stories.  Instead of being rejected, they are cherished.  Instead of feeling pain, they are showered with loved.  Instead of being forgotten, they are cared for.  And above all, they are taught about the God who made them and loves them and gave Himself for them.  

So while J.W. is sleeping soundly beside me, I am praying that God would bless him and protect him.  As I pray for my students in New Hampshire and the children at my home church,  I'm also praying that each of these children at CLS would be taught the name of Jesus and grow to know and believe the good news of His sacrifice on our behalf.